I’m getting old because…

Ancient MortyI realize I can’t stalking people on Facebook because now everybody uses Instagram.

I don’t have Instagram. I thought was just for pictures and I never take pictures.

I don’t believe in allergies.

Doctors are bullshit.

I believe the old way medicine: complains and cigarettes.

I still romantic and romanticism is dead nowadays.

I like to get to the point: if you don’t wanna sleep with me, that’s the door.

I used to have back pain once a year.

Now I have a monthly back pain: every 4 weeks it changes place, from the bottom to the shoulders.

I become to smell like mold on my back.

I should face the north so the mold will slide to my face.

My physiotherapist thinks I am a trunk.

Now my physiotherapist has a lumberjack as aide.

Girls avoid me like I was a terrorist. Not even the covered face works.

The jail isn’t so bad, but I rather stay single.

I’m responsible of my actions and I’m so pissed because of this.

I like the smell of tobacco’s pipe and cigars.

I hate those brats who are harassed by the smoke of my pipe.

10:30pm is a perfect time to get in bed and try to sleep.

But obviously those brats have to kick their footballs and play that awful music down of my window so I can’t get some proper rest. If they only could play some nice swing or jazz music…

Brats dress like clowns nowadays.

Thanks god there’s no more religion.

“I always did in this way, so why should be different now?” (quote)

At my usual bar I started to count 2 generations more than before… those brats…

“I can do whatever I want because I lived long enough to say so.” (quote)

Nonsense is spreading quickly in my brain, faster than ever.

But not as faster as my back pain.

A nice country for old men.

Progress is bullshit.

I don’t know how to use properly a phone. How do they call ‘em? Smartphone? It might be smart for you, but for me still stupid as those brats. Damn brats, with their stupid phones and that awful music.

I keep repeating myself a lot.

Progress is bull…wait…

The feeling of déjàvù increases every second. And that stupid doctor starts to call my short memory Alzheimer.

Doctors are bullsh… no, seriously. What’s that smell of mold?

Who am I?

Damn brats and their shitty music.

Tee-owlee

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I ain’t no crazy, I’m just abnormal

I’m mad but not enough to conform at this crazy word.

I sympathies for cats, but I love silly playful dogs.

Let me rephrase: I love pussies and also bitches.

I don’t digest naives, but love trivial people.

I won’t look down, but I must check if I properly flushed my shit.

I say a lot of bullshit, but I hate act like an asshole.

I’m respectful, but I will fucking slap the stupid kids who put shit in my mailbox (if I can catch those fucking brats).

I never use violence, but I seriously wanna punch the parents of those kids.

I always solved problems with words, but I will seriously injure anyone who try to fuck me.

I am no racist, but I have an n-word friend. And I call him bro. And he loves chicken.

I am no gay but I fucking love gay-prides.

I don’t believe in karma, but karma believes I’m its favorite prey.

I don’t believe in god and that’s mutual.

And I swear to god I can be hypocrite, but I admit when I do that.

I try my best to not swear, but honestly it’s impossible.

I try to act good in front of my little nephew, but I still slip swearwords out of my mouth (sorry sis’).

I always wanna have fun, but I’m not so attractive.

I don’t like drugs no more, but how can I say no to videogames? Seriously though, videogames are so addictive.

I know my limits, but I pretend not.

I’m always dead honest, especially when I lie.

I spouting my “knowledge” like some kind of (T) holy man, but I hate smartass.

I blame myself for my mistakes, but find a way to excuse my errors.

I’m always late at friends’ appointments and I’m sorry, but I can’t fix that. It’s videogames fault!

I’m a workaholic, but still unemployed.

I’m Italian but I love junk food.

I’m Italian but I do speak English.

I try my best to live, but one day I’m gonna die. Probably because the junk food.

I love writing, but I ain’t a great reader.

I don’t want you to understand, I want you to shut up.

I don’t have enough time, but I waste too much moments.

I used to be an athlete, I could be a great athlete, but I love junk food.

I do my homework and my chores like a real man, but when I really oughta do that. Once in a while.

I don’t think I’m perfect, but I like in this way.

Nobody’s perfect, but I ain’t nobody.

I’m T. Holy.

Coming back to Italy

I was going to title it “Coming back to hell”, but who am I to judge a place I’ve never been? I mean, hell can’t be possibly worse than Italy. As they describe it in the bible it has to be better than here. Living for years in a country where most of the things work properly and then coming back home it’s like die a little. The idiom “to say goodbye is to die a little” is totally wrong. I prefer the idiom for pets “to say goodbye you must talk to Dolittle”.

Well, there are positive aspects, like the good food and seeing my parents and the old fellows. But that’s all.

Since I’m here (a month) I had to deal with bureaucraZy, absentia of work, advertisement agencies that got my phone number (a Dutch number) to send me fucking local commercials (and if you ask where did they possibly get it they answer you back with a simple “I dunno”), impossible law situations, awful wifi connection, people who know nothing about respect, people who suggest you to do something they have no fucking idea about it, waiting times that last forever, escalation of drugs and, last but not the least, I can’t drink alcohol because of the stupid blood test for my driving license. Which I still missing because someone in the motorization office made a calculation mistake long ago and I keep paying the consequences for someone else’s fault.

Yeah, but it’s all good in here.

“Why did you leave the Netherlands?” they ask me. Honestly was just because of the English. I want to improve it even more than this and over there I couldn’t. So I choose to make a “quick” stop in my hometown, fixing few unfinished business and going to another country where they basically speak English. But i got stuck here, in this shithole because (again) of the fucking driver’s license and the dentist. Well, dentist isn’t a real problem so far. Just the bill will be.

So, actually, I’m forced to stay here because other’s errors. And I can’t even complain. I’m looking forward to leave again this screwed place without any regret and hoping one day it will be sucked up into a black hole.

God if I’m pissed. Whoever on Earth thinks this is a great country has to think twice. The line between legality and illegality is so thin that there’s no actual difference. Do you know the tax frauds reached 249 BILLION euro? And you can see that from the public services, which are so poor to make you regret taking transportations, having an health care, enjoying the view or even taking a fucking shit.

“You shall not shit in the plate where you eat”, that’s why I don’t want to have nothing to do with this ominous dish. “I love it, but I hate the taste” sing the Foo Fighters. What a perfect sentence for a place governed by assholes and lived by silly naives.

I regret nothing in my life, but this choice to coming back home makes me feel sick. Mentally speaking.

Anyway, if you are thief, an hitman, a lazy piece of shit, a racist, an asshole, a tax evader or a politician, welcome to your heaven.

Otherwise you will leave as soon as you can.

Jesus fuck, this place makes me so anxious…

I really needed to relieve this feeling…

I have to resist a little longer, then farewell! And die a little less.

T. Holy FUCK!

Cut the crap

Following a series of new discoveries, thanks to statistics collected by me, Exford University, NASAcar, a pair of socks, Moses and my imaginary dog:

  • Porn for breakfast helps your creativity by 0,02% but a tree in the rainforest will be cut;
  • If you smoke pot, eventually you’ll turn into a dinosaur, but a really small one;
  • If you constantly use cocaine there’s a high chance to have traces in your blood test;
  • Scientists of Narnia say that assuming food by anal way is gross;
  • Santa Claus exists and smuggles into your apartment. The only present he leaves is a turd on your sofa;
  • Every year they change laws because there’s a symptom called boredom that push people to do bullshits;
  • According to Henry Pot (a street magician who’s also selling plants), there’s life beyond house’s walls;
  • A medic in Alabama (Croatia) discovered that mime aren’t mute or crazy, they just pretend;
  • According to my mother, if you eat every day there’s a chance that you will survive for long;
  • According to each grandma, you don’t eat enough;
  • An university in Colorado (Australia) studied that money are made to buy more money;
  • The same university, but this time in Scotland, discovered that if we switch ants’ larvae with people in every state office the work will drastically improve;
  • Poison mushrooms are more edible than politicians;
  • In Russia is thriving a renewed cocktail Molotov that involves people who fart a lot;
  • According to many of my friends, being sober is worse than being on drugs;
  • Intelligence is relative and often confused as food;
  • The 82% of global population doesn’t know what is water and its uses;
  • The remaining 18% thinks is an evil liquid;
  • Diseases are often confused for horror movies, and vice versa;
  • “Shit” is called like this because “Skype” was already taken;
  • Freemium games have an awful name;
  • Addictions are made by aliens and complots by radioactive monkeys;
  • According to your mother, I’m not so good in bed;
  • According to your father, I’m actually the best;
  • And he was only watching;
  • There’s a place somewhere in China where cats and dogs are friends and cohabitate the same kitchens;
  • In the USA there will be applied a label on every car that says: “Breakfast your seatbelt”;
  • Dictionaries will change definition of “Colombia” in “Cocaine Country” to sensitize the rest of the world;
  • Nowadays the expressions “Don’t give up” and “Don’t give a fuck” aren’t dissimilar;
  • I heard that Formula One drives people crazy;
  • Mascots in theme parks have a military training to get their job and survive to children;
  • An important university in California (Texas) discovered that the definition of definition is 0;
  • According to a statistic made by Saint Louise Hamilton Jr., reading this post makes you colorblind before you can even finish it.

T. Holy Shit

And I think to myself “What a world”

That’s how I’d like to see this world:

from my screensaver

And that’s how it really is:

S.K. was here

Great book, great writer, worst definition (that’s my awful camera phone, sorry) but I’m obviously referring at the title itself.

Sweet nightmares everybody.

 Deep Ressed T.Holy